Sitting the Month: 5 Postpartum Rules for My Best Recovery Yet

There is a postpartum Chinese tradition called "Sitting the Month."  It literally means that after having a baby, women undergo a 30 day confinement period where they stay in pajamas, do not go outside, adhere to a bland but nutritious diet, and have around-the-clock caregivers for themselves and their baby, among many other specific regulations designed to promote recovery from childbirth.

Compare that to U.S. culture, where it is almost seen as a badge of honor to return to daily activities of life soon after giving birth. Women are referred to as "super moms" for appearing to bounce back within days to weeks after delivery, aspiring to fit back into their pre-pregnancy wardrobe as soon as possible, toting their other children around, resuming household responsibilities, and even returning to work within only a few weeks. It seems that much thought and discussion surround pregnancy and childbirth in our culture, but postpartum care? Not so much...

In hindsight, I can see that I did put pressure on myself after the birth of my first two daughters to resume as "normal" of a schedule as possible. I remember going furniture shopping with my husband and newborn daughter a week after she was born, in 100 degree summer heat [granted, we had literally sold most everything and moved across the country a few weeks before she was born and finally were tired of the lawn chairs being our only living room furniture...]. I was grocery shopping with both of my daughters in tow around the two week postpartum mark. I researched when/how to return to my exercise schedule and counted the days until I was released to resume workouts.

Finally, though, something clicked in my mind with this third pregnancy and subsequent postpartum period... I realized the incredible process my body had just gone through during childbirth and the need for complete healing and time to allow full recovery.  This labor was no more intense than the other two, but for some reason I suddenly realized that there was no need to do all the things immediately postpartum... my body had just done an amazing thing! Maybe I finally realized I have nothing to prove to anyone else. Maybe the thought struck me that I have given of my body for 10 months to another human and will continue to do so for many, many more...and that I deserve some self care! Maybe I finally realized I'm worth it.

This was no easy revelation for a type-A recovering perfectionist/people-pleaser... but nonetheless, I took a few pages out of the Chinese tradition playbook and came up with my own variation of "Sitting the Month..." though for me, it was a 2-week version. The guidelines I set for myself looked something like this:

1. Stay in pajamas for 2 weeks and in bed as much as possible. With the exception of doctor's appointments, newborn photos, and a 4th of July parade (during which I sat in the car with my newborn and watched my big girls participate in the festivities with my husband and parents!) I really did adhere to this plan. Before you think this sounds too boring, consider a vacation where your only job is to sleep, read books, pray, listen to music and podcasts, think, and gaze at a tiny beautiful human (who you're also responsible for every waking moment ; ). Yep, that pretty much summed it up!



2. Enjoy as many hours of skin to skin contact per day as possible with my sweet tiny person. This promotes a steady milk supply and bonding with baby, and I found that I truly took time to get to know her unique little tendencies while being in such close physical proximity. Unless I was asleep or receiving visitors, I could be found nestled skin to skin with my babe in bed or my rocking chair.  Also, since she happened to be a major spitter, this proved to be helpful in minimizing laundry ; )

3. Limit visitors. While we gratefully received meals from our community of friends, I did not otherwise invite anyone else outside of family to come over and visit during those first 2 weeks. I even limited visitors into my bedroom, which I deemed my safe haven! That means my 2 big girls quickly learned that they were not allowed to drag toys in and out of my room or enter unannounced. This may sound harsh, but I truly needed to be able to have a peaceful space that was free of clutter and chaos, which can be challenging in a household of toddlers! Instead, when I invited each of them in for some one-on-one cuddling/story time/baby sister snuggling, they really savored the opportunity. Additionally, I did leave my room to spend time with each of them reading, giving bedtime kisses, and watching an occasional movie together on the couch. I simply was an intentional gatekeeper and established boundaries for my own space.

4. Let go of household chores.  This one sounds like a no brainer, but proved to be challenging for me. In order to feel like a "normal person" I sometimes felt the desire to throw in a load of laundry, load the dishwasher, or do a quick sweep of the kitchen floor. However, my amazing husband kept me accountable in these areas and reminded me to let.it.go. and let him run the house. Since he was off work for the first 2 weeks, he assumed all meal preparation and toddler feedings, bath times, bedtime routines, and chores. He reminded me that my sole job was to rest and feed/change/snuggle our newborn... which turns out to be a full time job!

5. Avoid all social media for 2 weeks.  This may have been one of the most impactful and rewarding guidelines I set for myself! Though I don't consider myself a social media junkie, I don't think I realized how many mindless minutes pass me by while scrolling through a news feed- or if I'm being honest, how much I thought about taking the "right" pictures to post! Releasing myself from all of the "noise" outside of my little world was incredibly liberating and truly allowed me to focus on time with my family without any of those distractions! Instead of having my phone in hand, mindlessly scrolling through the portrayal of other people's lives, I was solely focused on the beautiful life right in front of me. This helped me truly soak up the initial days and weeks that are so fleeting with a newborn, instead of passing me by in a blur.

Granted, I was very much ready to get out of the house at the end of those two weeks (so much so that I attended a toddler friend's splash pad birthday party at the completion of the 2nd week with my newborn in a wrap carrier, and attended church the next day with my family)... but overall I can honestly say that I feel more refreshed and rested - both mentally and physically - this time around, compared to my first 2 postpartum experiences! My body seemed to physically heal quicker, and my emotions were less variable than before; overall, I attribute this to truly allowing myself to rest and recover during those first 14 days.

I realize that this approach may not be for everyone, however; not all husbands are as supportive and willing/able to take on household and childcare responsibilities, either due to work schedules or other factors. Not every couple has the luxury of grandparents nearby, who graciously take the older children for entire days at a time and even keep them overnight for a special "sleepover." I do not take for granted that I was blessed with an incredibly encouraging husband who understands the importance of postpartum recovery, parents who live nearby and go above and beyond to help care for our family, and friends who provided us with nourishing meals!

But regardless of the resources you have available, know that you are WORTH the self care and rest needed to recover from childbirth!  (This really can also apply to a major illness or even just a stressful season in your life as well.)  Consider setting your own guidelines and give yourself permission to make space for your own recovery. Create boundaries where needed, let others know how they can help, and take the time to focus on the beautiful life right in front of you.  I promise, you won't regret it!

What circumstance in your life do you need to implement your own version of  "Sitting the Month"?

Recovering,
L