It’s 7:30am, and she comes floating through the house in her favorite princess dress. An early riser, she shed her pajamas an hour ago and has been roaming freely through the morning, but now she’s decided it’s time to get ready for the day. Her first selection is blue tulle with a velvet bodice and sequin straps. She has a princess wand accessory which she waves around, commanding her kingdom to arise and prepare for the magical day ahead. She is a princess, confident and poised, full of grace.
But 10 minutes later, she momentarily disappears and returns wearing a knit dress and her favorite sparkly leggings. She’s holding a stuffed bunny, one she rescued and is now responsible for feeding, rocking, and petting. She is a veterinarian, with no regard to her former life as a princess. She’s compassionate, gentle, and totally consumed by this furry little creature.
Within the hour, she has evolved into her final outfit of the morning- a spring top and striped leggings with her favorite fringe boots. She declares she’s ready for the park, trampoline, or any adventure we have planned for the morning.
With each outfit change, her creativity flourishes and she reinvents herself. She displays many different aspects of her vibrant personality, and she never questions how each is connected to the other. She doesn’t justify how a princess became a veterinarian or how a professional morphed back into a 2 year old girl ready for the park. She is herself, gloriously, unapologetically herself.
At what point do little girls begin to question the many dynamic aspects of their identity and start trying to make sense of it all? At what point do they feel the need to justify that it’s an incredible gift to be able to morph and adapt? Why do they someday question their desire to try on different hats in life, instead of simply staying in the first costume they tried on?
Over our lives, we try on many different costumes. Some are more authentic forms of ourselves than others, but all of them are an effort to find our truest fit, the best fit for that season. And chances our, we change costumes consistently as our story evolves throughout our entire life.
I have been a meticulous straight A student in my teenage years, with sights set on my dream pharmacist career path. I have been a 21 year old skydiver and then a thrill seeker who jumped off a 50ft bridge into the headwaters of the Amazon River. I’ve spent a summer volunteering in an Albanian orphanage and also raced around as a leather jacket-clad rebel on the back of my boyfriend’s (now husband) motorcycle.
I am a pharmacist, a public health advocate, and a pediatric healthcare specialist. I am also a clean beauty advocate, a writer, and a runner. I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, neighbor, and friend. Each of these roles are so unique and they often overlap. Yet I’ve found myself trying to compartmentalize these different roles over the years. I’ve tried to justify how I can be a fully present mother while also being a career focused pharmacist. How I can practice modern medicine and fully believe in scientific evidence, but also personally desire to have unmedicated births and believe in the power of food as medicine. How I can spend time writing when I should be running instead, or how I can dabble in the beauty industry as a healthcare professional. I’ve often tried to keep my different roles in boxes, sometimes afraid to blur the lines of different parts of my life.
Recently, I ran into an old friend unexpectedly at a local coffee shop. She shared that while her dream has always been to stay at home with her children and homeschool, she has a new stirring in her heart to return to college and pursue a new career. She is becoming more of who she is made to be, and is learning she doesn’t have to choose “either/or.” She can still embrace motherhood and the days she has at home with her family while also stepping out and discovering a new part of who she is. She is allowing herself to grow and change. She doesn’t have to be who she has always been.
I have always imagined myself to be a “career woman,” and have worked towards my pharmacy career since I landed on the idea my junior year of high school. I worked tirelessly to earn college credit while in high school and then through an expedited undergraduate experience to jump straight into my 4 year PharmD doctoral program. I moved across the country and worked 60-70 hour weeks during 2 years of post-graduate residency. I helped launch a residency program and pioneered a new clinical pharmacy service. I served on state pharmacy committees and published in medical journals. I presented research at conferences to hundreds of pharmacists.
Then, I moved back to my home state and had 3 babies within 4 years. I am now able to see my parents and sister’s family within a 5 minute drive of our home. I desire more time freedom with my family, more time to invest in my community, more time to be creative. I have new aspirations of writing, growing a business, and pursuing my own wellness journey. The passion for my pharmacy career has not gone away; rather my capacity and interests have grown. My career has launched new interests and expanded my identity of who I have now become.
Right now, I am working less time specifically as a pharmacist than I ever have in my career, as I’ve significantly scaled back my hours at the hospital. But I am working more in other areas of my life - areas that have been patiently waiting for my attention and creative efforts.
I continue to be reminded that there is a season for everything, and that the one certain thing in life is change. So I am making decisions based on the best fit for that season of my life, and I’m holding an open hand to see what the Lord has in store next. I’m giving myself permission to grow, change, and wear different costumes... without justification, apologies, or doubt.
If you need permission to grow and change too, HERE it is (though you didn't need to hear it from me... perhaps you just needed a reminder ; ) You don’t have to be who you always were. You are allowed to grow, learn, and expand your thoughts and beliefs about the world and about yourself. You are allowed to step boldly into more of who you are becoming.
You can build the meaningful life you want to build, filled with purpose and passion - and you don’t need to wait for someone else’s permission to pursue new dreams. You are allowed to be a princess, veterinarian, and an innocent child, all in the same day...and you can own every role you play!
Beautiful
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