It doesn't take actually having a baby to realize the truth about it: A baby changes everything!
Many people are quick to offer reminders of all the ways life will change from the "old days" of freedom and spontaneity once you have a child. How you will never get to roam grocery store aisles alone, taking time to plan home cooked meals. How you will never have "me time," because after all, your time is not your own. How your friends will never see you. How you will be so wrapped up in your tiny bundle of joy that you risk becoming unraveled from your spouse.
A baby does change everything, but change doesn't have to be negative! In our home, we are finding ways to keep our friendships alive, our healthy lifestyle intact, and our marriage a priority. Here are three big ways my family has found peace in the midst of our new normal...
Community.
There's a reason for the age-old quote, "It takes a village to raise a child." We are so fortunate to have our literal family members live very close to us. Our daughter knows her grandparents on both sides, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins and recognizes them - delights in them! Family is so, so important to us, and we are so grateful. Outside of family, we have begun to invest in our church community as well. We host a Lifegroup at our home every Wednesday night, and our intimate group of 10 people gathers to share life together - the hard stuff as well as the good times. It is not unusual for our Lifegroup to show up during Charlotte's bath time or help with her bedtime. They hold her, rock her, and love on her, even during her most intense meltdowns. There was a time when I wouldn't have wanted people to come over if my home were not perfectly clean, with everything in it's place. But opening our home and our lives to these people, amidst the messy reality of life, has brought such freedom and deeper, meaningful relationships.
Exercise.
I met and fell in love with my husband through running. We got engaged at a half marathon, and we've continued to challenge each other to run further, faster, and stronger. It's our thing. After having a baby, I had a deep fear that our thing would fade away because we wouldn't have the time. Running does look different these days, but hallelujah it still happens!!! A good jogging stroller and a baby who loves the outdoors has helped tremendously. We have been known to literally RUN errands as a family. Need to pick some things up at Target but also get a run in? We run to Target, shop, and run home, bags stowed under the stroller. Grocery shopping a priority? One of us will drive to the store with Charlotte, the other one runs to the store. We meet there, shop, and swap places so that the other person runs home. I love getting texts from friends telling us they've seen us at random places all over town (and sometimes they've snapped a photo of us, paparazzi style, as they drive on by). They laugh and say we are "old-fashioned"... I mean, in the U.S., it is against the norm to do anything but load up in a vehicle and drive around town, even if the destination is only a few blocks away. But our family walks to Braums, CVS, the bank, or the dry cleaners have become the norm, and we love incorporating Charlotte into our errands and exercise routine.
Couple time.
I love that my husband loves to cook. We've spent three wonderful years having sit down dinners most nights of the week, our time to relax together and catch up amidst our busy days. After having a baby, we knew this might change, but we wanted to maintain as much sense of "US" and the routines that are so important to our marriage. Since we leave for work by 6am and get home around 5pm each day, there is little time to plan a meal, grocery shop, cook, and sit down to enjoy amidst squeezing in a run, playtime, and Charlotte's bedtime routine. So, when we found a deal online that for only $15, we would have a meal-planning service email us weekly recipes, complete with an itemized grocery list, we were all over it. Now, we make a weekend grocery run for the entire next week, and we don't ever have to come home and wonder, "what should we eat for dinner?" While I am doing Charlotte's bath time after our evening run and playtime, JJ preps dinner according to the meal plan. After our baby girl is asleep, we have the kitchen to ourselves, and we enjoy putting the finishing touches on our meal before sitting down to enjoy a [somewhat] quiet dinner together. Many people had advised us to build in regular "date nights," which is definitely much-needed; however, we quickly discovered our marriage needed more than a monthly or even weekly time set aside for this - we needed to build in regular, intentional time together in our daily routine. Many nights, it would be so easy just to do our own thing and meet up in bed, but for us, sharing dinner together fills a need and allows us to reconnect in a way that few other things do.
I don't claim to have this whole working mother-wife thing figured out. Not even close. But I think that's the beauty of it all... I am being stretched and growing in ways I never have known. I have accepted the fact that striving for perfection in all of these areas, and being all things to all people, and doing all the things all of the time... well, it's just not realistic.
Life with a baby looks so completely different for every family, and it is a constant challenge to balance so many different areas of life. What are your family's priorities? For us, building relationships, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and being intentional about our marriage are areas that we aren't willing to compromise simply because life with a baby has changed our days. But by being intentional with our time together as a family of three, we are learning to grow as a team, meet each other's needs, and walk in peace along the way!
Many people are quick to offer reminders of all the ways life will change from the "old days" of freedom and spontaneity once you have a child. How you will never get to roam grocery store aisles alone, taking time to plan home cooked meals. How you will never have "me time," because after all, your time is not your own. How your friends will never see you. How you will be so wrapped up in your tiny bundle of joy that you risk becoming unraveled from your spouse.
A baby does change everything, but change doesn't have to be negative! In our home, we are finding ways to keep our friendships alive, our healthy lifestyle intact, and our marriage a priority. Here are three big ways my family has found peace in the midst of our new normal...
Community.
There's a reason for the age-old quote, "It takes a village to raise a child." We are so fortunate to have our literal family members live very close to us. Our daughter knows her grandparents on both sides, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins and recognizes them - delights in them! Family is so, so important to us, and we are so grateful. Outside of family, we have begun to invest in our church community as well. We host a Lifegroup at our home every Wednesday night, and our intimate group of 10 people gathers to share life together - the hard stuff as well as the good times. It is not unusual for our Lifegroup to show up during Charlotte's bath time or help with her bedtime. They hold her, rock her, and love on her, even during her most intense meltdowns. There was a time when I wouldn't have wanted people to come over if my home were not perfectly clean, with everything in it's place. But opening our home and our lives to these people, amidst the messy reality of life, has brought such freedom and deeper, meaningful relationships.
Exercise.
I met and fell in love with my husband through running. We got engaged at a half marathon, and we've continued to challenge each other to run further, faster, and stronger. It's our thing. After having a baby, I had a deep fear that our thing would fade away because we wouldn't have the time. Running does look different these days, but hallelujah it still happens!!! A good jogging stroller and a baby who loves the outdoors has helped tremendously. We have been known to literally RUN errands as a family. Need to pick some things up at Target but also get a run in? We run to Target, shop, and run home, bags stowed under the stroller. Grocery shopping a priority? One of us will drive to the store with Charlotte, the other one runs to the store. We meet there, shop, and swap places so that the other person runs home. I love getting texts from friends telling us they've seen us at random places all over town (and sometimes they've snapped a photo of us, paparazzi style, as they drive on by). They laugh and say we are "old-fashioned"... I mean, in the U.S., it is against the norm to do anything but load up in a vehicle and drive around town, even if the destination is only a few blocks away. But our family walks to Braums, CVS, the bank, or the dry cleaners have become the norm, and we love incorporating Charlotte into our errands and exercise routine.
Couple time.
I love that my husband loves to cook. We've spent three wonderful years having sit down dinners most nights of the week, our time to relax together and catch up amidst our busy days. After having a baby, we knew this might change, but we wanted to maintain as much sense of "US" and the routines that are so important to our marriage. Since we leave for work by 6am and get home around 5pm each day, there is little time to plan a meal, grocery shop, cook, and sit down to enjoy amidst squeezing in a run, playtime, and Charlotte's bedtime routine. So, when we found a deal online that for only $15, we would have a meal-planning service email us weekly recipes, complete with an itemized grocery list, we were all over it. Now, we make a weekend grocery run for the entire next week, and we don't ever have to come home and wonder, "what should we eat for dinner?" While I am doing Charlotte's bath time after our evening run and playtime, JJ preps dinner according to the meal plan. After our baby girl is asleep, we have the kitchen to ourselves, and we enjoy putting the finishing touches on our meal before sitting down to enjoy a [somewhat] quiet dinner together. Many people had advised us to build in regular "date nights," which is definitely much-needed; however, we quickly discovered our marriage needed more than a monthly or even weekly time set aside for this - we needed to build in regular, intentional time together in our daily routine. Many nights, it would be so easy just to do our own thing and meet up in bed, but for us, sharing dinner together fills a need and allows us to reconnect in a way that few other things do.
I don't claim to have this whole working mother-wife thing figured out. Not even close. But I think that's the beauty of it all... I am being stretched and growing in ways I never have known. I have accepted the fact that striving for perfection in all of these areas, and being all things to all people, and doing all the things all of the time... well, it's just not realistic.
Life with a baby looks so completely different for every family, and it is a constant challenge to balance so many different areas of life. What are your family's priorities? For us, building relationships, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and being intentional about our marriage are areas that we aren't willing to compromise simply because life with a baby has changed our days. But by being intentional with our time together as a family of three, we are learning to grow as a team, meet each other's needs, and walk in peace along the way!
It helps that you have a perfect daughter......well Grandma thinks she is. :D
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